The Effin Haggis

THE BIG EFFIN HAGGIS

 

This is a story of a haggis from a wee farm called Effin Farm way up in the far north west of Scotland.

 

HE BRED HAGGIS ON THE WEE FARM AT EFFIN

FOR AN EFFIN HAGGIS BREEDER WAS HE

WHEREAS MOST HAGGIS YOU SEE HAVE GOT ONLY TWO LEGS

WELL THE BIG EFFIN HAGGIS HAS THREE

NOW THE WEE EFFIN FARMER WIS EVER SO PROUD

OF THE BIG EFFIN HAGGIS HE BRED

BUT ONE NIGHT ABOUT TEN HE LEFT OPEN ITS PEN

AND HE WENT TO HIS WEE EFFIN BED

WELL THE BIG EFFIN HAGGIS SAW A CHANCE TAE EFF OFF

SO IT RAN OOT ITS OPEN ENCLOSURE

IT WIS AN AWFAE CAULD NIGHT SO IT WORE A WEE COAT

TAE PROTECT IT FROM ANY EXPOSURE

THE VERY NEXT MORNING THE WEE EFFIN FARMER

TO CHECK OOT HIS BEASTS HE DID VENTURE

WHEN HE COUNTED HIS STOCK HE GOT SUCH A SHOCK

THAT HE CHOKED ON HIS BIG EFFIN DENTURES

WELL THE WEE EFFIN FARMERS BIG EFFIN WIFE

PHONED THE EFFIN POLICE STRAIGHT AWAY

SHE PICKED UP THE PHONE HAD A BIG EFFIN MOAN

AND THIS WAS WHIT SHE HAD TO SAY

THE BIG EFFIN HAGGIS HAS ESCAPED OOT ITS PEN

WHERE IT’S GOT TO I JIST CANNY TELL

ITS RAN OOT O’ SIGHT AND ITS NEARLY BURNS NIGHT

AND MY WEE EFFIN HUSBANDS NO WELL

WELL THE EFFIN POLICE FOUND THE HIDEOUT

AND A CHASE DID ENSUE YOU SEE

BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO WHEN LEGS YOU HAVE TWO

WHILST THE BIG EFFIN HAGGIS HAS THREE

SO THE CREATURE RAN OVER THE FIELDS AND THE BRAES

AND IT DISAPPEARED RIGHT OUT OF SIGHT

SO IT WISNAE THE SAME WHEN THEY ADDRESSED A STEAK PIE

ON THAT TERRIBLE EFFIN BURNS NIGHT

SO NO ONE HAS EVER DISCOVERED

THE BIG EFFIN HAGGIS TO DATE

SO NEXT TIME YOU HAVE HAGGIS AT BURNS NIGHT

JUST DOUBLE CHECK WHAT’S ON YOUR PLATE

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